Sometimes I wonder why I even wake up. I mean my husband is deployed so I don't have to look good for anyone, my daughter is 2 so even an unlimited amount of patience is not enough, and my life is one big routine with no exictement. You know what encourages me to make it through a day? My love for my husband, my daughter, my family, my close friends, and my love for my God.
Before I divulge my deepest, darkest feelings of loneliness and despair I'll take a minute to introduce myself and give you the facts. I'm 23, a Marine Corps wife, and a jack of all trades. My daily life consists of being a full-time mommy, a part-time special education assistant, an entrepeneur, a photographer, a social busy-bee, and a dreamer. My other half is currently deployed to Afghanistan and is really the most special gift I have ever received from God, apart from my daughter that is.
My life has been one big struggle. I am happy to say that almost everything I have is a result of hard work and perserverance. I'm thankful that nothing in my life has been handed to me so that I can be truly thankful for what I do have. God knew that this struggle has made me strong enough to withstand even the hardest moments of my life.
So... now that I've share a few facts about my life, and I'm sure I'll divulge more later, let's move on to my emotional state today which includes an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Now that my husband's deployment is a few months in and I've just graduated from college (no applause in necesarry - just kidding) I have found that my life has become increasingly more dull over the last few weeks. Never one to be dependent, I have found that unless I am busy every moment I can't help but feel incredibly lonely and half empty.
Something tells me this is an emotion that almost every spouse of a military member can understand and relate to. The topic of loneliness often makes others feel as if they are weak and unable to live a life fully on their own. What's interesting to consider is that how fulfilling would life really be if you didn't have someone to share it with. I'm thankful that God provided me with an amazing husband who is a great support system, a fabulous hard-working man, and a tremendous father. This being said, how can I not miss him.
You want to know the reason I wake up? The thing that keeps me going? The fact that eventually I'll see my husband again,whether it be here on Earth or in Heaven, and I want him to be proud knowing that I can survive and really LIVE even when he isn't there. Now, if I could have my husband home now I would surely do it, but..... since that isn't an option I'll just get my couponing binder out, clip some coupons, make some dinner, and go on with my daily life preparing for the day I see my Love again!
